Book Reviews for Sale!

Announcing my new venture: Paid Book Reviews!

In the interests of raising a little cash, I’ve decided to offer my services to write book reviews for reasonable fees. Need more 5-stars on your Amazon page?

I can help!

Simply browse through our unique collection of fully customizable book reviews and choose the one that best suits your product. Our reviews feature an overload of superlatives, typos and egregious grammatical errors for that authentic feel.

Fees include the exclusive use of your chosen book review, customization to your specific needs, the purchase of your book from Amazon (so that the review will register as a verified purchase) and uploading of the review from a convincing Amazon customer account with a purchase history of dog food, combat knives and heartburn pills.

Fees are listed with each review.


The Overly-Excited Review – $15.99

5-Stars | An awesome read!

Oh my goodness grashous, why if this wasn’t just the best book I ever read ever in my life! Author is just a genuis. i loved Lovved LOVED this book with all my heart and will recomend it to compleat strangers i run into on the streat! Oh God I’m still thinking about the way Character overcame that Seemingly Insurmountable Challenge to win out against the odds! If you like books or shiny things, buy this now and prepare to spend the next day devowering every word!


The Skeptic Review – $16.99

5-Stars | Totally won me over!

I don’t often read Genre so when a friend recommended this book to me, I ignored him for weeks. When I finally relented and purchased a copy, it sat on my Kindle unread for a month. Yesterday I was stuck waiting for the mechanic to fix that rattling exhaust problem on my 2002 Chevy Malibu and I happened to accidentally select Title. Rather than choose something more in keeping with my tastes, I started reading.

Imagine my surprise when I was hooked from the first page! I can’t tell you how refreshing this book was. I couldn’t put it down! The mechanic said my car was all fixed but I didn’t leave his shop for another two hours!

Recommended to all fans and non fans of Genre alike. I guarantee you will not be disappointed (like I am with the 2002 Chevy Malibu)


The Brief Review – $10.99

5-Stars | Great book

I can’t say enough good things about this book. If you like Genre and you don’t mind a bit of Controversial Element mixed in, then I highly recommend this page-turner. I’ll be looking out for more of Author‘s books in future!


NEW!! The Stalker Review – $35.99 (price includes reviews of all your titles and a genuine copy of a restraining order)

5-Stars | I love Author!

I can’t get enough of Author and whenever a new book comes out from him I imediately buy a paperback copy and an ebook for my Kindle and another for my Nook. This book was just as amazing as all Author‘s others and I love them all too. Once I read all of Author‘s books in one sitting and my ass was numb but it was worth it. Sometimes I fall asleep with one of Author‘s books which is fine but in the morning my Kindle is a bit sticky and I have to wipe it down.

Title is an amazing book set in and around Location where Author lives. It even includes the park he runs in every morning at around 7.30am and lots of lovely details about his house like the squeeky gate and the chipped paint around the doorframe to his bedroom. In fact their are so many of these little details its like Author wrote this book just for me!

Anyway, buy lots of copies so Author can carry on enjoying his “massages” from that upstairs place on the High Street, and can ensure he is well stocked with Author’s Preferred Cookie to munch on with his coffee while he sits reeding by the window every afternoon at 4pm.



Negative Book Reviews!

Choose your 1-star review, select a rival author’s book you’d like to apply it to, and we’ll do the rest. Prices range from $9.99 for a quick troll to $35.99 for a detailed ten paragraph rant about racism or liberal bias!

PLUS! For the one time special price of $59.99, we will post a negative 1-star review on every title published by your selected rival author, and every title that author releases  for the next five years! Bargain!

Please enquire for our 1-star review selection.

Thanks and have a great day.

(Please note the above article is satire. I am not really selling book reviews and nor would I ever buy one for any of my books, nor would I inflict a fake 1-star review on anybody else’s book.)

6 thoughts on “Book Reviews for Sale!

  1. That was brilliant! (I mean that in a non-stalkerish way). I’ve always been amazed that some authors will actually resort to paying for reviews. It’s like paying for sex…enough said.

    1. Thanks Mandy. In my case, providing sex for payment can only result in crushing disappointment for the consumer and an inevitable refunding of payment. I’ll stick to the paid reviews for now but thanks for the suggestion!

  2. In order to receive my response to your blog posting, you are invited to consider purchasing one of my social networking response packages. They range from the “witty tongue-in-cheek comment package” where I make a clever but snarky comment which I will then repost with your blog URL to three major social networking sites of your choice (for the affordable price of only $5.99) to the elite “Give em the works” package, where I respond with a contraversial essay that will start a viral flame war, reblog or repost said essay and your blog URL to all available social networks and have your blog URL tattooed to the body part of your choice, all for the special price of only $10,000 (offer only available in Atlantis and Lilliput).

    Everything’s for sale now…isn’t it?

  3. Hello, I am a stalker in training and would love to offer my services for your new Stalker Review offering. I’ll be able to visit anyone’s home and covertly watch them, then give you the information you need to properly post all the little details only the truly obsessed can gain access to.

    Sure, a writer can write down a list for you to follow, but they’ll never be as thorough as me. While they may tell your that their favorite soda is Sprite and they love Whiskers, their kitten, I can reveal things they’re not even aware of, like the fact they always purse their lips when they drink or that they’ve developed a small rash on their inner left thigh from cat dander.

    And if you think I’m just blowing smoke, there’s one thing you should know. I’m in your house right now. Turn around.

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