Despite the passing of the World’s Collider deadline last night, inexplicably the planet Earth is still here, it continues to orbit the sun and still appears to be supporting life. Scientists are baffled by the apparent no-show of the total apocalypse that was confidently predicted by experts all around the world.
The world, today, looks nothing like this
“We just can’t understand it,” Professor Octavio Untmaster said from his multi-million dollar ranch in LA this morning. “I collected all this money from folks so I could buy this facility for preserving the human race in little jam jars, and the apocalypse didn’t happen! Who knew?”
When asked if donors might feel somewhat cheated, the Professor took of sip of his pina colada – which he referred to as his “World’s Colada” – and asked that all journalists be escorted off the premises. He then handed his drink to a servant, kissed all three bikini-clad female “lab assistants” and dived into his luxury pool.
In other news, a small, rather insignificant anthology closed its doors to submissions last night in a completely planned and expected move. The editor, a Mr Rashard Slater, says he is extremely grateful for all the hard work put in by everyone who sent in a proposal and he looks forward with trepidation and excitement to making his selections. He also regrets not collecting money to finance the preservation of the human race in little jam jars.
And now, the weather. Fireballs will not be raining down on Britain today, nor will plagues of locusts fall on………